i forgot to mention that as i was walking out of the liquor store with an armful of beer on saturday afternoon, i ran into Beate, the Head of Journalism at my university.
we had a brief chatted while we waited for the lights to change to the little green man. she said, "so what are you doing now?"
i said, "Post grad teaching, up at Joondalup."
she said, "is that really what you want to be doing?"
i said, "er, i just want a career at this stage."
i was meant to say: TOO FUCKEN RIGHT, i wanna be a fucking teacher.
but at the moment i *hate* my course with a vengeance, don't really like my prac teacher (the kids are loverly tho) and i am so fucking tired all the fucking time, which i never experienced in Journalism, not even at the most hectic of times. (except for that yucky period, june 1999).
anyway. im sticking with this, despite being struck by the insane desire to quit every 2 hours... because...
well. because i have to do something don't i?
i think beate is disappointed. i was her star student. she put out SO much for me- more than any other tutor, more than is expected even for a primary school teacher.
she pushed me, encouraged me, scathed me, and was thrilled when things went right.
and now, ive quit journalism and fucked off to be a teacher, and i think she is disappointed in me?
sometimes, i wish i hadn't of done it. that instead of backing away into postgrad, i had tried and TRIED to do something with my degree. but no.
coward? or is it a safety net?
or something else?
what do you call it?
am i as crazy about kids now as i was 3 months ago?
and the answer to that folks, is yes.
but am i as crazy about teaching as i ever was about journalism?
and the answer to THAT is a decided FUCK OFF!
does anybody ever get it right?
not the first time, i know.
one day i will live in the country and write poems and books and breed beautiful horses and raise children the good old fashioned countrified way.